But anyway, I quickly realized, which isn’t new for me, that being the “q-b” is lonely. Nobody loves you. That doesn’t matter, screw ‘em. I wanted to throw a pass, so I waited, and waited, and I waited. Nothing happened. Eventually, still nothing happened. I sit in the oval-shaped office today, about eighty-seven months after I got the football, something like two-thousand five-hundred and twenty days, after I stopped being the quarterback-elect, and became the full time starter. Sixty-thousand four-hundred eighty hours, thirty-six million two-hundred twenty eight thousand minutes, and this number: 2173728000, that’s seconds, and that’s a big number. Let me tell you something, this quarterback is tired of incomplete passes, hell this quarterback can’t even throw an incomplete pass because you need to throw to have pass, that’s just how it works. Eighty-seven months, I’m tired, I wanna to go the all-star game for football players. Harry Truman went. What’s he got that I don’t. I really actually don’t know the answer to that question. Seriously, have you seen Harry Truman? The man was folksy and unintelligent like. I went to a college; they call it “Yale,” where’d he go, wait for it, wait for it, middle school. In other words, not college. That’s right, the man didn’t know what a college was, in fact, he only became quarterback when the really good quarterback in front of him up and died. So why can’t I throw a touchdown, I know what a college is, and I won’t die. No need to thank me, just doing my job. For my boss, not you, not me, the American people. You’re welcome.
Well anyway, lately, I like to think of myself as a rich man’s Harry Truman (rich man, see what I did there, cause usually it’s poor man for like a cheap imitation, but I’m a rich man version cause I might actually be better, see that? You don’t? Well you must be one of them liberal types. Take three steps back. That’s an executive order). Now Truman was a great president, he’s really just like me, cause if you go back and look at him, you realize “wow!” But wait, why? Behind every “wow,” there’s a why. All these people in the media like to talk, they like to talk about my approval ratings, and that’s how me and Harry match. They say me and Truman have the lowest ever, or me and Harry were “unpopular,” or me and Harry were loved like terminal disease, or something like that. But the same media that likes to talk about popularity says Harry’s one of the greatest that ever lived, and I just have to agree with that. See Harry’s job was a decision making job, and as a result, Harry made a lot of decisions. Harry’s decisions were big, and people didn’t like him (sound familiar by any chance?). They didn’t like him went he went into Korea (sound familiar by any chance?), they didn’t like him when he stopped the racism-ness in the army (don’t worry ‘bout that one). That’s the top line. The bottom line is this: Harry wasn’t Raymond, ‘cause everybody didn’t love him. I find myself in the same position. It doesn’t matter though, ‘cause everybody looks at Harry now and says “winner! Decider! Decisive! Determined! Tough! Handsome!” By my estimation, everybody’ll say that about me when the time comes, but I didn’t get into quarterbacking for the accolades, so hold your applause. I didn’t get in this thing for individual accomplishment, I’m a team player, and damn it, I want to complete a pass. Harry was the best quarterback that ever lived. Hell, you could say that there hasn’t been a quarterback on his level ever since. Every kid looks at their favorite quarterback and says, “Boy, I’d sure like to be like him someday.” I’m that kid, and I’ve been waiting in the situation room, waiting this long: 2173728000. I got news! I don’t want to wait anymore; I want to be where I belong. I want to be in the hall of fame with Harry, I want one of them little statues of me with the little description thing next to it that tells you how great I am. I think I can do it too. I don’t have a whole lot of time, but I’ll find a way to get it done
